home.

I was sitting in class today wondering why I am here? is it because i really care about computer software? Is it because I want to be a business woman and a lawyer? I really don't know the answer, I am here because I want to be and I am pretty good at what I am doing, so why not? Later on in the day a Michael Buble song came on and I almost started to cry. It is a gloomy day here in Pullman, sort of cold, sorta wintery. But that song struck me somewhere, close to the heart. It is the music i listen to and reminds me of why I love the holidays and the family. The song reminded me of everything i love about home and everything i missed. It set me up for the desire to put up lights on a christmas tree, or be around my family for the few short days we are giving for the holidays. it is hard to wake up knowing that sometimes, I cannot do what I desire to do. However, at the same time doest that mean it is a blessing, to be well aware of what is going on that yes i want to an adult but family is something I will never stray away from? Is missing something so simple as the sound of my house full of the family supposed to push you to better at something? At first i thought of as this might be something I would do to get home faster, but now I see that all i want to do is be the best I can be far away so when I am home, i will feel clear and well. Happiness is around, you just have to listen for it.. much like the quiet song i heard in the Bookie as i walked in that took me back years and hundreds of memories that hit it close to home. literally. Some wonder why I am so obsessed with Christmas, and the reasoning now is because it is a emotional tie to the best memories of my life with my family, friends and loved ones. THe thought of Christmas brings back so much happiness, so much desire that I cannot wait to be able to feel that excitement again. It is a connection to my life. Of course I want it around as much as possible.


Nshalla.